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Detoxing from the Mainland: Two Weeks on Maui; Part Five

Go to to see Parts 1-4

Final Week on Maui

What We Do: Almost Nothing

It’s Tuesday, June 12th and, shockingly enough, it’s another lazy-style pool day. We toast ourselves in the sun, lounge in the pool, and drink at the pool bar. Exquisite Hawaiian laziness.

That night we are throwing a surprise baby shower for my sister, who is due in September. I help the kids decorate our condo with balloons and green and black streamers (green and black were her high school class colors). When the room is adorned with random streamers falling from the ceiling and some crisscrossing over the entrance (apparently as a locking system that Cade concocted), we head down to the pool area where Bones and Bill are starting to grill. After an appetizer of grilled spam, rum-soaked pineapple, and portuguese sausage we dine at tables around the pool as the kids splash around and migrate from hot tub to pool and back again. 

Darkness descends and we enjoy family time as we eat and talk and watch the kids. It’s odd, I remember times like these when I was on the other side of the age gap, when I was one of ‘the kids’. How odd it seemed to me then that the adults didn’t want to splash in the pool and jump from one activity to the next. Now, as I sit back with a full stomach and a sun-zapped body, I understand both sides. The excitement of being a kid never leaves, it just takes a backseat. It comes out when we all head over the the waterside and mom takes pictures of each of us sloshing down, or we’re all gathered in the pool throwing the football. Those moments between lazy adult vacationing and the energized insanity of vacation from a child’s eyes, those are the moments when we meet in the middle and everyone is enjoying life together. As I get older they are rarer, but just as memorable and important as they were when I was one of the children and the adults would come and join in our fun.

Upstairs, we prepare for the surprise. Finn, the youngest of ‘the kids’ decides he must hide all the presents, and then himself. Cade follows suit. they decide Aunt Diana will have to find them when she shows up. All the kids are giggling as they huddle under beds or behind curtains when she enters to a chorus of ‘SURPRISE!!”. Each child is searched out and pulled from his or her hiding spot, then Finn must retrieve all the presents and hold them up for Diana to open, he is her little helper for the night. Baby clothes abound as we all look on. Not too much is given, as she will have to lug it all back to the mainland and weight is an increasing concern with check-in baggage. The best present weighs nothing at all. Hunter shoo’s the kids into a separate room and we gather around the iPad for a rousing rendition of Samuel L Jackson’s narration of the children’s book, Go The Fuck To Sleep. We laugh so loud we fall out of chairs and have tears streaming down our faces. The book is quite accurate when it comes to what is going through a parent’s head as they try to get their feisty child to bed.  

The party gets louder as Bones tries to teach Cade and Reed how to do the worm, and we are all laughing loudly at Cade’s interpretation when there is a knock on the door. Uh oh. Through the peephole I glimpse security. Seriously? It’s 9:30pm and apparently ‘several’ rooms have called to complain about the noise. The worm is probably to blame. We make promises of settling down and after he leaves we go on our separate evening ways; some to bed, some to smoke cigarettes, some to get their children to go the fuck to sleep.

On Wednesday Brett prepares to disengage from vacation and head back to the mainland, but not before tossing kids around in the pool, having a few Mai Tai’s at the bar, and eating spam sushi from a gas station (which wound up being one of those ‘not such a good idea’ ideas once he was on the plane).  We will miss him, the kids especially after a few flying cartwheels in the pool.


Thursday is Date Night! Bones and I are heading to Tropica for dinner. We plan on sitting at the beachside tables in order to have a front row view of the sunset, but the heat is a major deterrent. Once we are at the host stand, in direct view of the glaring sun, we decide to take a patio table near the water. Inside the portico it’s much cooler, and the sound of the waterfall adds to the refreshing atmosphere. We order cocktails and appetizers and watch as the sun begins its magnificent descent. The islands turn an incredible shade of purple as the sky is awash is layers of blue, purple, pink, and orange. It’s straight out of a travel advertisement. Now I am silently wishing we had taken a beachside table, but I say nothing, even though I’m pretty sure he’s thinking the same thing… 

Dinner is fantastic, the waiter exclaims at our every menu choice: “that is to die for!” or “one of my favorites!” as if we could do no wrong. We silently giggle at him when he leaves the table. But he is knowledgable, he lets us take our time and enjoy the evening with our interrupting us any more than is necessary. I silently thank him for this, as it gives my boyfriend and I some quiet time to enjoy each other, this is something you do not get very often when you’re on a family vacation with fifteen other people.

After stuffing ourselves with tenderloin, mashed potatoes, oku (grey snapper), and asparagus, we walk it off down to Whalers Village and browse the shops. The evening is warm and we’re both sleepy as we return to the Marriott.